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Darkest Night  
09:18pm 03/09/2008
 
 
MaryBeth
Well last night I fucked up.
I was so stressed out and didnt know what to do,so I did the only thing I know to do, I cut myself. I didnt cut very deep, but I just cut enough to make myself bleed.
Tony was very upset and hurt by what I did. I never seen him cry and I hope to never again. The pain in his eyes hurt so bad. I never ment to hurt him,but I ddint know what else to do.
I was hurting so bad inside. Theres so much stuff going on right now and I ddint know how else to deal.
Tony said that he almost thought about moving out, but he didnt. I don think I could take it if he elft me, he means everything to me
 
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Conception Frustrations  
09:40pm 30/08/2008
 
 
MaryBeth
Me and Tony have been trying for months to have a baby and nothing is working.
It seems like every where I look I see pregnant women. I mean even ALL of my girlfriends are pregnant. I've gone through the entire mentality of "maybe there's something wrong with me," but as far as I know everything is okay. This entire process of TTC is so depressing. And the one thing I hate most is seeing these news reports of new mothers dumping their new born babies in trash bins, parents not taking proper care of their children, parents abusing their children and teenagers getting pregnant when they aren't TTC.. "it happend at a drunken party.". Why is it that the women like us that want to concieve more then anything this world has to offer are the ones with the heart break? Why do we have to endure this? I know I am young and I have plenty of time but when someone knows it's right and they are more then ready (money wise, maturity, loving relationship, a partner that wants to have a child with you as a sign of your love and to know that feeling of parenthood)
This is so stressfull.
mood: crushedcrushed
tags: baby
 
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I'm alive!  
07:10pm 28/08/2008
 
 
MaryBeth
Wow, its been so long since I have last been on here.
Not awhole lot has happened though.
Me and Tony are still happy as can be. We still havent set a wedding date yet.
I still have to many pets(and always adding more)
My latest rat litter will be ready to leave by this weekend. I'll miss them.
I'm looking for homes for 4 kittens and their momma.
I have started raising rabbits.

I'm not friends with Sarah anymore, she couses too much drama and she is nothing but a whire now.
I rarely talk to Kay-Kay(usually only when she wants something)

My sister is still in the hospital.
 
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